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UK News

Christian founder of marriage group advises couples holiday together

by Cara Bentley

Sir Paul Coleridge, a retired High Court judge told Premier: "One needs to be very careful when you talk about how to do marriage because of course there is no one size fits all and people do have different models for their committed relationships".

"But on the whole I think it is very risky. I think if you spend long periods apart you put a relationship inevitably under strain and, using the euphemism, other distractions have a habit of filling the vacuum and if you're not careful you find that, for one reason or another, the relationship you once had has dwindled."

He said: "It's very, very difficult to expect a relationship to flourish if you have long periods apart" and gave the example of one partner going to prison, saying sometimes the partner outside can hang on but the distance often causes a huge strain.

Of course, there are unavoidable partings, he cited military service or jobs which take people away as some of these but added: "it's not desirable; the thing about marriage is that you have the daily things in life in common".

In the article in The Times, one woman credited her partner's frequent holidays away without her as the reason for their long marriage.

Speaking of short trips with friends and partners having different hobbies, Sir Paul Coleridge said that was fine: "there are many, many couples who go away for weekends with their mates and it works perfectly well as long as everybody's open and everybody knows what's going on."

He added though that when the temptation during a suffocating point in a relationship may be to escape, couples should consider going away together: "I think there's a great deal to be said for going away together, on your own, preferably if you've got children without your children and investing in your relationship - that is without any doubt at all the best recipe for success."

One of the arguments for long periods away while everything is fine is the prevention of potential problems in the future but Sir Paul Coleridge said there were better ways to deal with any problems, such as going on holidays for couples, organised by Christian groups or with a Christian theme: "I would immensely encourage people to investigate those and take them up." he added, "they're great fun."

"The answer is to invest time in the relationship, try to get to the bottom of what the problems are and communicate - and you and your partner and your family will be hugely the better for it". 

Listen to the full interview with Sir Paul Coleridge and Premier's Cara Bentley here: 

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